Life lessons

Exams are over. The first term is ending in three days, Christmas is approaching fast.These last three weeks have been an emotional roller-coaster. To describe all the details here would be a mile-long post. I've been through so much, and I keep being amazed at how much there still is to learn about oneself. We never stop changing and evolving and realizing and adapting.

I was putting myself under so much pressure that I literally made myself sick. I caught a bad cold, my back was aching permanently. We had been told in school to relax and not take any 'suboptimal' conditions too seriously. This is not at all my style - I'm totally an optimizer! My time in Spain is limited so I knew I wanted to get a maximum out of my stay - and improve any situation that wasn't good enough. I stressed out so much, that I was completely blocked. I wasn't able to learn well nor feel like dancing was any fun. I lost most of my passion somewhere along the way. Plus, there was physical tiredness, problems with broken bicycles,  my home being too far away from school, loneliness and so on.

It wasn't until various teachers had several serious talks with our class, which culminated during our exams, and talking to my best flamenco friend, that I understood what our teachers wanted from us - that we give our best. They couldn't understand why we would come from so far away, invest so much time and money, and not give our 100%. And I can't blame them. I hadn't been giving my best. I learned the hard lesson that during an exam, I get so nervous that I can barely dance anymore. I lose my balance and my footwork sounds like a complete beginner's. That's what you get when perfectionism gets in the way, ..! So that's where my work will be next term. And I hope that one day, I will be able to reach deep inside of myself while dancing, and not feel the shame that is blocking me, but the feelings and the music I want to express.

Being here has been much harder than I thought it would. I wanted to do so many things - blog more about the life and the people, the beautiful city Sevilla, to try my hand at painting, dabble into website making, cook often, have friends over, meeting Sevillanos, check out the Salsa clubs, have quiet weekend escapes to the beach - there have been very few of those things. Not possible when you do full immersion in a dance school. But nonetheless, I'm very thankful at the moment for having such mindful teachers, fellow classmates and friends. For getting so much support (and cookies!) from home. For having a body that cooperates with my dreams. For having the opportunity to be here. So, I start the Christmas break in peace.

Happy holidays! :)

Exams

Our exams at school start on December 12th - in ten days. All of a sudden, teachers are flustered and giving us a lot of material to work on for the exams! There's a castanet variation, a dance choreography, a tail skirt choreography, technical exercises, ballet written assignments, lots of singing.

Off to practice the next few days. Thank goodness we have 2 official holidays next week.

Last night we saw Carmen Ledesma, our choreography teacher, perform. She is known to be very good at improvising to the singing - the best way to dance flamenco, because it comes from inside. What a powerful lady she is! I love watching her dance. She is subtle like a flower one moment and explodes like a wildcat the next. Incredible performance.

Up tonight: Isabel Bayón!

Sunday walk

I caught a cold and stayed home most of the weekend. This afternoon, I was fed up with staying at home. So I took a walk through Sevilla and took some photos.

First, I walked through my own neighborhood, which is the Barrio de Santa Cruz. It's very old and also called "Zona monumental". The architecture feature the typic colonial style. It's also full of tourists here in the summer. 

Hundreds of years ago, Sevilla used to be a city of very high economic importance - thanks to the river Guadalquivir. This is where Columbus started on his voyage to discover the Americas. This is where all the gold that came from the West Indies was unloaded. There is still a lot of the former glory around the old city, and the Sevillans seem to be very proud of it. I'm no fan of colonialism myself, but it's fascinating to see where it all started.

The Sevillan emblem: Orange trees.

Golosinas: Candy!

A delicious looking bakery

Sun peeking through in the Jardín del Murillo

Tablao "Los Gallos" 

Wonderful architecture

A patio in Santa Cruz

Plaza Doña Lina 

Nice, but hard - on Plaza Doña Lina

 Then, I made my way to the Cathedral. From my house, I just have pass the old royal palaces to get to Plaza del Triunfo. Many horse-cart drivers wait there to take you on a ride!

The walls of the "Real Alcazares" - the royal palaces

La Catedral

Waiting for a job

In front of the Cathedral, there is a nativity fair. Spanish christmas songs (Villancicos) blare from cheap megaphone loudspeakers. And you can buy little Jesus babies, Maria statues and sheep by the dozen. I was amazed. Of course, what attracted me most was the miniature food ;)

Almost no one in town today...

Miniature road to Bethlehem

 After the fair, I made my way to the Guadalquivir river for a coffee.

Torre de Oro, an ancient watchtower overlooking the river

At the aquatic café "Pedalquivir"

Suddenly, the sky turned pink and gold. 

Calle Betis in Triana

Puente de Triana

New haircut

Finally did it after talking about it for 4 months. Hola! :)

Castanets

I haven't written much about my dance classes at the Centro. I will share some of the good and hard times we are going through at school.

Three times a week, after siesta, I have a castanet class from six to seven. I usually arrive quite groggy from my rest, which always feels like it was not long enough. Then Sara, our teacher, takes over. She is tiny young woman who looks very fragile and elegant. But don't be fooled by the looks. This girl is a powerhouse. She makes us toe the line!

From the very first lesson on, she drilled us in posture, arms, and of course, castanet playing. We have practiced the dreaded "RRRIA!" for hours on end. Arms in first position. In second position. In fifth position. The rrria is the sound the castanet is supposed to make, using four fingers of the right hand in rapid succession. It should be a fast, sharp and clear gallop sound. We poor beginners are barely able to make those castanets sound at all. Usually mine sound like a piece of cheap plastic being banged together with a dying sound. "Pffflrthgh".

We practice pliés, relevés, chassés, tombés, fouettés, turns and jumps. Sara will tolerate no lack of discipline. No leaning against the wall, please. No one sits down. Straight postures in her class! When we hold our arms above our heads, NO ONE TAKES THEM DOWN unless she says so. Today we has to hold our arms high up there and play the castanets for 20 minutes. We had to grow and grow and grow and stretch and make ourselves as tall as possible. And not forget to breathe. And pull our stomachs in. And keep our heads up. And our shoulders down. And no one takes their arms down, otherwise the whole group will repeat the excercise! Everyone thought they were going to die of the effort. By the time my hands were tingling, my arms felt like they were going to fall off and my eyes were blurry from the pain, I was allowed to bring my arms down.

This may sound dreadful, but we are actually having fun. That's because Sara is our age and has a sense of humour. We laugh together with her about our miserable turns and rrrias. She may yell at us and never be happy with our results - but always with a twinkle in her eye. She is full of energy and is very good at transmitting it to us. I love this in a teacher. She wants us to give our 100% best. And in return, she gives us her 100%. It's a fair exchange, and I usually leave the class completely drained, but not feeling bad at all. Gracias Sara!

À vos casseroles

Hm, I seem to often mention food on this blog! Well, I love good food so much and it's very important to me.

Today I went to the market on Calle Feria in the pouring rain with my good friend and fellow classmate L. I kind of go crazy inside when I'm on a market. All the luscious fruits and vegetable and cheeses and meat and fish on display. When I'm there I want to buy everything! After buying veggies and calamares and meat and fresh gambas, we sat down in a nearby café with our loot and talked about all kinds of food for an hour. It was wonderful. Then I went to the Asian store (finally!) and found all the the familiar exotic ingredients I hadn't seen in months: Rice noodles, crab meat, fish sauce, shiitake mushrooms, sesame seeds, cilantro, soy sprouts, coconut milk - you name it.

When I got home, the chilly rain and wind were still beating on the roof, and there was only one thing left to do: Get to the kitchen. I made a big batch of salmorejo. I made chili con carne. I made a bolognese sauce with more meat than tomatoes in it. With lots of herbs and garlic. And... for the first time in months, there's a big pot of Pho simmering on the stove. Tomorrow night my friends are coming over to help me eat it.

I used to give a vietnamese cooking class every month back home. It feels like a lifetime ago. I miss the Cookook Studio and the owner Denise, who is a very good friend of mine. I taught many people how to cook real Pho there. Pho is my comfort food par excellence. Just the smell of cinammon, anis and ginger in the air is enough to make me feel more calm and relaxed.

Studio Cookook. Photo: Ariane Tinner

Cooking and enjoying yummy food, especially with other people, helps me feel good. When I'm cooking, I'm fully immersed in my activity and live completely in the present moment. I put lots of love into my dishes and come out of the kitchen quite exhausted, but happy. And when people eat my food, they're happy too. I can't wait for tomorrow.

Edit: It went well! I'm proud of my girls. They all tried the oxtail, helped themselves to generous squirts of Sriracha chili sauce, and wiped the dessert dish clean. Way to go.

Today

Today we had a thunderstorm in Sevilla. Torrential rain poured down all morning. Lightning flashed and thunder rolled. It was truly impressive.

Tonight I put my new stick blender to good use and made two delicious things: Pumpkin leek curry soup and Salmorejo Cordobés, one of my favourite Spanish tapas. I can't believe it took me more than 4 months to figure out it's nothing but pureed tomato and bread with olive oil, garlic and salt. Yum! I licked the dish clean.

Sevilla tidbits

Hey everyone, I'm still alive - but once again on a limited and unstable internet connection. Everything is well!

Here are random things from my life in Sevilla:

• I moved into my new apartment in Barrio Santa Cruz, the wonderful but touristy neighborhood around the cathedral. We live in a old whitewashed house with 2 interior patios and some rooftop terraces. There's an orange trees with sweet oranges and I had my first juice. It was sour! But so good.
  
  
• My sweetheart came for a 4-day visit (oh, the bliss).
• I'm still doubting my academic approach to flamenco - but I'm much more relaxed now.
• I had my first bulerías class with Andrés Peña and he's the bomb! I wish I could go every day instead of twice a week...
• I saw the sharpening guy! He walks around the streets of Sevilla with his little sharpening machine blowing his whistle for anyone who wants their knives or scissors sharpened. My jaw dropped. Some traditions have endured through all the ages...
• The weather got cold and rainy! Not sure I'm enjoying the change... I certainly enjoyed 4 nonstop months of sandals.
• I had singing classes with Rocío Márquez. This woman is exceptional. Not only is she incredibly gracious and polite, sings like an angel, she looks gorgeous, she's grounded and she's a great teacher. I'm a fan and admirer. I learned to sing 4 letras of very cool tangos!
• My internet was broken for 4 days. I had to call Movistar 5 times. It's working now but they don't even know what they did.
• More than 30 working days after I ordered it, my Sevici bike card finally arrived. It only took them about 3 days to charge my credit card. I wonder...
• I blew some money on household nesting items such as an electric kettle, a stick blender, a good kitchen knife and some pots of flowers.
• I caught this amazing sunset over the river Guadalquivir and Triana the other day:
• I've started going to breakfast at the bar called Las Columnas right outside my house. The typical Andalusian bar with old tired waiters who work like dogs, are always good for a joke and always call me guapa. Breakfast is toasted bread with whatever topping you wish, 'café con leche' and fresh juice. 2.80€. A nice way to start the day.
• I'm still loving Sevilla. This city is beautiful. I zoom around on the bike looking for the fastest way to school and keep discovering new amazing corners. Pics on the way.

What it's all about

Time certainly flies. Last week has been very hard on me. I started to feel very pressured and trapped and didn't know why. My classes are hard, but good. I'm enjoying the training and the sweating. It's tiring but I can already feel some progress: My back is getting stronger, I can hold the positions longer - I'm finally working on my body. And that felt good. So why was I feeling so anxious? I sat down to do some hard thinking and it finally struck me that I usually feel this way when I'm forcing myself to do something I don't really want to do. I've always had a hard time finding the difference between "want", "should" and "must". The lines are really fuzzy for me. But in the last few years, my body and my soul, or you could call it my inner child, have gotten better at letting me know when something is wrong. And when I dreamt that I was being held at gunpoint, I knew something was very wrong.

I thought to myself, 'why am I doing this school'? In my mind, I believe it's the only way to get better at flamenco dancing - something I definitely want to do. But when I think about it, I'm starting to doubt it. Of course, a 9-month academic intensive training will help me progress immensely. But the endless, daily, mind-numbing training has a way of killing creativity. Suddenly it's all about going to school every day and following the rules and trying to fit the mould. There are so many things one can do wrong in flamenco. It's an aspect I don't like about it. Maybe there's a more creative way to go on about this year? I will definitely keep thinking about it. And as soon as I realized what the problem was, I felt better already.

In other news, last week was quite exciting. Here's a quick resumé with pictures:

We went to see La Choni's show. She is our bata de cola and technique teacher. She is a master of the tail skirt and had such a playful and humorous dialogue with it, she had me grinning all the time. She dances Alegrías the way they should be danced - I loved her charisma, stage presence and the way managed to include batting her eyelids in the dance.

A procession took place in the same street that night (one Virgin was being moved from one church to another), we had a hard time getting to the venue. Catholic processions are a big thing in Sevilla. I am absolutely not religious but I had to admit there is something very spiritual about them: The solemn music, the way people from the whole neighbourhood march along. This kind of devotion is absolutely foreign to me.

On Monday I got to pick up my very own bata de cola! My classmates and I went to seamstress Pili Cordero. She was been making tail skirts for 30 years and is sewing for dancers such as Alicia Márquez and Belén Maya. It is one of the most exciting pieces of clothing I have ever posessed! 

 Finishing touches at the sewing studio:

Totally in loooooove! No comment about the color! ;) Sorry for the bad phone pics. 

This week I also saw an old friend of mine, Pedro Viscomi. He's from home, but went to Sevilla 5 years ago. He's now making a living as a flamenco guitarist. He gave a small concert together with singer David Bastidas on a rooftop terrace:

On Wednesday, we went to the Peña Torres Macarena, where the "Compañia CAFS" (my school) performed. They consist of Sara Lopez (dance - my castanets teacher), Lucas Ortega (singing), Eva Ruiz (singing) and Idan Balas (guitar - our cante accompanyist). It was a great performance.

After so much going out, I was tired and took it easy the rest of the week. But last night I went out with my Swiss friend and she took me to some very authentic tapas places. We talked and drank and it was a very relaxing evening. Thanks, B! First, we killed some Langostinos and Salmorejo at "La Bodega" (found it, Kaljinka! ;))

  

Then we went over to "El Rinconcillo", the oldest tapas place in Sevilla,
for Jamón Ibérico (killer ham!):

 

And we ended up in "Morales", a very old wine bodega, for some tintos de verano and finished with Solera, sweet sweet Sherry from Jerez...

Salud!

B has had an amazing life. For the last 13 years, she has been spending the winters at home working, and the summers in Spain, working as a tour guide and dancing flamenco. What a great concept. B is graciously subletting her Sevillan apartment to me while she goes home for the winter. I'm moving there next weekend. Can't wait to have my own place! Guests are welcome - COME!